Today my friend Whitney shared this video on her Instagram story...
For the past few days I've had a prompting to dust off this blog and share "my unspeakable" - well one of them. The other one will have to wait until my bravery builds up a bit more. I've shared this with a few select souls and I do have a testimony that you can use your trials to help others. So that is what my hope is in sharing this with more of you.
Since I was younger I've dealt with anxiety and depression. When I had babies it got worse. After I had Ames it was so debilitating I really thought I'd be sent to the loony bin. I still feel guilt for the precious time with him as a newborn that I feel I lost because my brain was sick.
By the time he was about 6 months old it had finally tapered off for the most part.
About a year later, Soren was on his way, and I was scared to death that it would overtake me again.
The first few months with him actually ended up being pretty great compared to my experience with Ames, but eventually it did rear it's ugly face again but this time as impatience, irritability, and low self worth. I felt like I didn't mean much to anyone and that someone else could raise my kids much better than me. No, I never got to the point of suicidal thoughts, but I probably wasn't far off.
I had talked with Landon about getting on medication before but never very seriously. I've never gone to the doctor regularly, never been on any medication, and really just didn't like the thought of trying to find a doctor to go to.
It finally got to the point that Landon had a serious conversation with me about seeing a doctor. We were thinking of having another baby, but I needed to get my head figured out first.
So I made the leap. I'm now the proud owner of a weekly pill box :)
But in all seriousness, it has made SUCH A DIFFERENCE.
I look back at my past and it makes me kind of sad inside, knowing that it didn't have to be like it was. But, I can't change the past and I don't blame the past on anyone. It made me who I am and was a trial I needed to go through. In the end it has made me stronger, given me empathy, and connected me to others that deal with the same thing.
For a long time I don't think I realized that it was true anxiety and depression I was dealing with. It manifested itself in different ways at different times. Sadness, sluggishness, anger, irritability, low self-esteem, high emotions - almost all the ways displayed on this image I came across.
If you are feeling this way - get help! It's not normal and it's ok to have to take a pill everyday.
For the past few days I've had a prompting to dust off this blog and share "my unspeakable" - well one of them. The other one will have to wait until my bravery builds up a bit more. I've shared this with a few select souls and I do have a testimony that you can use your trials to help others. So that is what my hope is in sharing this with more of you.
Since I was younger I've dealt with anxiety and depression. When I had babies it got worse. After I had Ames it was so debilitating I really thought I'd be sent to the loony bin. I still feel guilt for the precious time with him as a newborn that I feel I lost because my brain was sick.
By the time he was about 6 months old it had finally tapered off for the most part.
About a year later, Soren was on his way, and I was scared to death that it would overtake me again.
The first few months with him actually ended up being pretty great compared to my experience with Ames, but eventually it did rear it's ugly face again but this time as impatience, irritability, and low self worth. I felt like I didn't mean much to anyone and that someone else could raise my kids much better than me. No, I never got to the point of suicidal thoughts, but I probably wasn't far off.
I had talked with Landon about getting on medication before but never very seriously. I've never gone to the doctor regularly, never been on any medication, and really just didn't like the thought of trying to find a doctor to go to.
It finally got to the point that Landon had a serious conversation with me about seeing a doctor. We were thinking of having another baby, but I needed to get my head figured out first.
So I made the leap. I'm now the proud owner of a weekly pill box :)
But in all seriousness, it has made SUCH A DIFFERENCE.
I look back at my past and it makes me kind of sad inside, knowing that it didn't have to be like it was. But, I can't change the past and I don't blame the past on anyone. It made me who I am and was a trial I needed to go through. In the end it has made me stronger, given me empathy, and connected me to others that deal with the same thing.
For a long time I don't think I realized that it was true anxiety and depression I was dealing with. It manifested itself in different ways at different times. Sadness, sluggishness, anger, irritability, low self-esteem, high emotions - almost all the ways displayed on this image I came across.If you are feeling this way - get help! It's not normal and it's ok to have to take a pill everyday.
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